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Grieving the Living: When They’re Still Here, But Not Really 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Grief is hard. Period. Whether it’s the loss of someone or something — physically, emotionally, spiritually — grief will stretch you in ways you didn’t know you could bend. And sometimes? It damn near breaks you. We’re taught to associate grief with funerals, with caskets, with permanent goodbyes. And yes — those losses are deep. I lost my father, and that pain? That ache? It’s one I carry with me daily. But as gutting as that was (and still is), there’s something different about that kind of loss. There’s a boundary. He’s gone. I know he’s not coming back. I can’t call him. I can’t talk my way into another moment. I’ve had to make peace with the finality of death. It’s a closed door I didn’t ask for, but I’ve learned how to sit at it with memory and love. But what do you do when the person you’re grieving is still alive? When you can still see them. Still call them. Still scroll past their Instagram stories or hear through mutuals what they’re doing. When you could reach out… but some...

35: This Chapter Hits Different...

Ok, so before we even get into it, let me be real clear... This is not my richest chapter, in fact I'm YET praying for the type of financial breakthrough that will create sure stability for my daughter and I. It's also not my most glamorous, don't let them IG photos fool you. I've been holed up in my house, hair standing up on top of my head, days where I can't remember when I took a good, long shower. So yeah...this isn't the chapter where everything is wrapped in a pretty bow. But it is, without question, my  best . For the first time, I’m not living on autopilot. I’m  present. I’m  intentional. I’m  invested  in every layer of who I am. Mentally? I know my triggers. I don’t let every thought run wild, and I check myself before I wreck myself. I intentionally choose clarity over chaos—daily. Emotionally? I’m not stuffing things down anymore. I feel what I feel, and I honor those emotions without being consumed by them. And that is HUGE for me. That’s growth. T...

Revoked: I Don’t Owe You Space Just Because We Shared a Season

I was holding the door open.  Leaving the light on.  Sitting in emotional limbo, hoping for a reconnection that the other party  clearly  said they didn’t want. They told me with their actions.  They told me with their silence.  Hell, sometimes they told me with their words — “This ain’t it for me.”  But I still held space. I still made room.  I still left the back door unlocked, like maybe...just maybe they’d come home again. That wasn’t love. That was bondage disguised as loyalty. That was hope weaponized against my own healing. And the truth is — it wasn't their fault. They released me.  I hadn’t released them. So when they moved on, they were walking in freedom. I was the one stuck in the loop — replaying conversations, misreading memories, romanticizing red flags. And that’s when it hit me:  I was participating in my own emotional abuse. I had to look in the mirror and ask, “What part of me agrees with being mistreated? What wound i...

Don't Lay Hands, If You Can't Hold Space -- Pt2: Becoming What I Needed

 After all that disappointment, I sat with a lot of questions: Was it me? Did I ask for too much? Am I just unworthy of that kind of support?  I wasn't looking to be mothered. I didn't need to be coddled or raised. What I needed was partnership...guidance...someone who could see the call on my life and help sharpen it without trying to shape it into something more convenient or palatable for them.  But instead I was dropped. And honestly, the shit hurt...BAD! because I deserved integrity.  But here's what God showed me: they weren't the covering I needed because I wasn't supposed to be covered, I was being carved. The letdowns were never about rejection. They were about refinement. God wasn't just exposing them, He was exposing what I believed about myself. He was showing me what I believed about myself. He was showing me where I still tied my worth to the proximity, approval, and the idea that I needed someone to co-sign my calling. Being letdown didn...

Don't Lay Hands, If You Can't Hold Space -- Pt1: When Mentorship Goes Left...

I used to crave mentorship--real, intentional Spirit-led guidance. Not just "watch me from afar" kind of stuff. I was searching for someone to walk with me...to cover me...to guide me...to see the call on my life and help shape it. I wasn't looking to be mothered. I have a mother. I have mother figures. So, I'm good there. What I was looking for was a sacred, intentional connection...a trusted guide that could help me steward the next version of me--creatively, purposefully, and spiritually...someone who could handle both my oil and evolution. And I thought I found it. Twice. These women weren't strangers. They were women I looked up to, powerful in their own right, influential in both professional and spiritual spaces. Maybe they weren't church leaders by title, but they had the clout, the connections, and hell, let's be real, the charisma that gets you invited in certain spaces and seated at specific tables. I admired them deeply. I believed they could h...

Built For This: Happy Mother's Day

Raising a child alone?... Ha ! This is NAWT the story I asked for or the one I dreamed about. But, this is the story that found me and I'm learning that I was built for it. Being a single mom isn't some badge of honor I wear to prove strength; it's actually a badge I want to throw off a bridge at least 3 times a week. 😅  Being a single mom is a reality I live, breathe, and cry through. Some days, I feel like SuperWoman. Other days I'm barely making it through the damn day and then there are the days where I'm somewhere in the middle--exhausted, but thankful! I've come to realize that I'm not just surviving this, I'm becoming through it. Motherhood didn't water down who I am, but it deepened me...sharpened me. And even though I do this without a partner, I'm not doing it without purpose. Motherhood didn't just make me a Mommie, it reinforced that I am, indeed , a fighter...a truth-teller...a legacy builder. I am, for certain,  not the woman...

A Gladiator -- Call Me Ms. Pope

If I had never seen myself before on television, Keri Washington as Olivia Pope was my doppelgänger. I was tuned in religiously EVERY Thursday for Scandal I was TGIT every, single week. And not just because of the mess, the drama, or the steamy Fitz moments (though… yeah, felt sis.). It was something deeper. I saw myself in her—the fixer, the protector, the woman who carried everybody else’s chaos while silently drowning in her own.😖 Recently, I started binge-watching it again. And you know what? In that moment, I realized something. I wasn’t just trying to get lost in the drama or the crazy plot twists. I was looking for something comforting. Something familiar. Something I could control. Because, truth be told, I’ve been needing that comfort lately. In this season of my life, I’m literally moving in faith. And if you know anything about faith, it’s the complete opposite of control. So, I am losing it over here, mkay?! Everything around me is completely out of my damn hands. My next ...