Don't Lay Hands, If You Can't Hold Space -- Pt2: Becoming What I Needed

 After all that disappointment, I sat with a lot of questions:

• Was it me?
• Did I ask for too much?
• Am I just unworthy of that kind of support? 

I wasn't looking to be mothered. I didn't need to be coddled or raised. What I needed was partnership...guidance...someone who could see the call on my life and help sharpen it without trying to shape it into something more convenient or palatable for them. But instead I was dropped. And honestly, the shit hurt...BAD! because I deserved integrity. 

But here's what God showed me: they weren't the covering I needed because I wasn't supposed to be covered, I was being carved.

The letdowns were never about rejection. They were about refinement. God wasn't just exposing them, He was exposing what I believed about myself. He was showing me what I believed about myself. He was showing me where I still tied my worth to the proximity, approval, and the idea that I needed someone to co-sign my calling.

Being letdown didn't leave me broken, it made me brutally aware...aware of how sacred trust is, how important consistency is, and how many people want to be seen as mentor but never learned how to show up as one.

What I needed wasn't a mentor to crown me; what I needed was the courage to grow into my own authority. And that's when everything shifted.

I stopped chasing validation and stated building what I was looking for. That's how Sacred + Unfiltered was born...that's why Affirmations for God's Favorite Rebel exists. That's why I lead from my own scars now and not from someone else's shadow.

When I show up for others, I don't pretend to be perfect. I don't position myself as "over" them. I simply say, "I see you. I've been there. And I won't drop you." I know how it feels to be hyped in private and abandoned in public. I know what it's like to be someone's project but never their priority. And I refuse to be that that woman to/for someone else.

I lead differently. I love differently. And it shows up in how I mother too. Because I know what it feels like to be met with silence instead of support...to be left to figure it out while carrying a weight I never asked for...to feel eager, expectant, and open, only to be treated like an afterthought.

So, when I show up for Kai and the hearts assigned to me, I do it with presence. I do it with intention. I do it with the kind of emotional availability I once wished someone would offer me. I hold them with care...as a mirror, reflecting who they are, who they're becoming, and who God says they've always been because hearts deserve safe hands.

So, if you've ever been used, mishandled, or misled by someone you admired, let me say this:

• You are not too much!
• You are not too broken!
• You are not hard to lead!

They just weren't equipped to love you beyond your potential, but God still is. And maybe...just maybe...you weren't meant to be mentored. You were just meant to lead.